We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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