I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
