Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
