He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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