I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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