It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
