first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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