so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
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