I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
