So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
