my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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