i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
