Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
