That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
