The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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