is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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