You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize