That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
