so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
