So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
