I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
