I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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