when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
