dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize