how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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