I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In other news, I just burned my penis
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
