Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
