I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
