party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
