is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
