You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
