i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
