TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
