There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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