I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
