Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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