If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i love accidental penises.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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