Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
