you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
