I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
did i walk over a car last night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i've created a new STD.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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