I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
