OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
