What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
