There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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