Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
