Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
