What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
