I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
