Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
