take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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