this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
