Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
