I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
