I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
