wakey wakey hands off snakey
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just want nice things and good sex
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
