I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize