He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Enjoy the penises
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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