im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We just shotgunned beers for America
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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