The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize