who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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