Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
