Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
