i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Drake has all the answers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
