I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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