the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
